Courage doesn't exist without anxiety
and psst... a book cover reveal!
We were on Pleasure Pier at Galveston Island, the ocean humidity keeping our shirts slick against our backs and huge scoops of ice cream in our mouths. Music from the carousel looped in the background while my son fought back tears over his unnaturally green mint chocolate chip. “Why am I the only one who’s scared?”
I thought for a moment, crunching into my cone. “You’re not. Lots of people are scared of rides like the pirate ship or roller coasters.” A measured reply and one I knew wouldn’t satisfy him. It had been a tough few hours for a kid who was used to physically outperforming the status quo. Amusement parks care nothing for athletic ability; it’s all about the mind.
“But I’m the only one in our family who’s scared. My brothers and my cousins aren’t scared — even the ones younger than me! Why can’t I just do it?”
“OK listen,” I lifted his chin towards my face. “Its because you have anxiety, like we’ve talked about before. Your brain looks at these rides and can’t stop thinking about everything that could go wrong. The other kids in our family? Their brains aren’t doing that. It’s not that you aren’t brave — it’s actually more brave for you to ride a smaller ride than it is for them to ride the bigger ones, because you are overcoming a lot more to do it. So keep listening to your gut. You’re doing great.”
“But if I listen to my gut then I’ll never ride anything!”
A thud in my chest carried the sudden realization that I’d had this internal conversation with myself many times. Parenthood is always holding up a mirror. “You’re right,” I agreed. “So maybe you pick one brave thing: maybe the froggy ride was your one brave thing today. If so, that would be awesome and we can do it one more time if you want.”
He nodded, a bit more at peace, and ran to get a drink of water before rejoining our group. An hour later I exited the Texas Teacups with the toddlers — feeling more than a little queasy — to find him running into my arms, beaming. “I did the pirate ship!” he yelled in ecstasy. “I did the pirate ship with Daddy! It was so awesome! Will you ride it with me?”
He and I rode the pirate ship three more times that day, his eyes closed and chin buried into my chest from start to finish every single time. He left Pleasure Pier at dusk with his head held high among his siblings and cousins, turning to gawk from afar at the height he had conquered.
At the beginning of the summer my spiritual director and I talked about anxiety. Mine manifests very differently than my son’s, but it’s there all the same; a part of me that I’m only just beginning to name and befriend. The question she asked me became the bedrock of my summer meditations: Have you experienced your anxiety become courage? It’s been looping in my mind for two months.
Whether it’s riding a scary ride, facing relational conflict, or speaking your mind, there is no courage without anxiety. How do we live courageously? Not by becoming someone who isn’t afraid. Not by letting our self-preserving gut keep us in hiding. We live courageously by choosing one brave thing — a day, a week, a month, a season — and we do that brave thing with our eyes closed and chin tucked if we have to.
We watch our anxiety become courage. Courage wouldn’t exist without it.
Book Cover Reveal!
I’m thrilled to give you a sneak peek of the cover of my next book, Feminist Prayers for My Daughter: Powerful Petitions for Every Stage of Her Life. Isn’t she just the most enchanting gal you’ve ever seen?? I’m completely over the moon.
The book won’t release until March, but you can already preorder it to reserve your copy and be the first to get your hands on it. Preorders are super important in the world of publishing, so I very much appreciate the kindness! Get yours through Brazos Press at Baker Book House for just $10, or through Amazon for whatever their lowest price turns out to be.
Fall Retreat Opportunity
Join the phenomenal Vanesa Zuleta Goldberg and myself in La Crosse, WI this October for “Living a Liberated Life,” a retreat focused on the path of personal and collective liberation. Because of the location’s proximity to the shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe, the retreat will be anchored in this highly symbolic version of Mary — and there will be time for retreatants to visit the gorgeous outdoor wooded shrine and/or attend Mass there together. (Catholics and non-Catholics all welcome!)
I am SO PUMPED for this retreat. What a dream. Vanesa is a wealth of wisdom on Liberation Theology and will be presenting on God’s imagination for a just and free world. I will be covering the more personal side of liberation, guiding us to explore the attachments that hold us back and how we can move forward into inner freedom.
Ahhhh. So much goodness. I hope you can come! Overnight lodging is available (and it’s just an absolutely lovely and cozy place), or you can commute if you happen to live nearby. Find out more details and register here.
Things I’m…
Reading: Crossroads by Jonathan Franzen and devouring the incredible characters and nuanced exploration of a lived Christianity.
Listening: to Joni Mitchell sing Both Sides Now at 78 years old. Holy moly, Eric and I were both in tears by the end.
Considering: Getting a microchip in my dog, after retrieving him from the local shelter this week. If you have strong opinions on microchips, good or bad, speak now or forever hold your peace!
Wearing: Knix swimsuits and Olukai flip flops, because I’m finally learning that quality matters for both fit/comfort and longevity.
Watching: Ms. Marvel on Netflix, less because I love superheroes and more because I love diverse cultural representation and female empowerment. I wish my daughter was old enough to watch with me!
Gifting: Two friends recently had babies and I sent one this devotional for first-time moms and the other this Our Lady of Guadalupe bib.
Swearing by: JVN hair products are officially the only ones that truly smooth my frizz.
Learning from: Indigenous people and Pope Francis’ penitential trip to Canada. And why it still isn’t enough.
This & That
This week Verily reshared an article I wrote for them a few years ago, so if you didn’t catch it the first time here’s another chance to read There’s a Problematic Tech Divide Between Rich and Poor Kids — But Its Not What You Think.
I’m the worst at remembering to promote podcast interviews, but this recent(ish) one with yellow.co was one of my favorites. Did I know that the video was going to be public when I decided to hide from my children and record in my closet? No, no I did not.
If you’re discouraged that summer is coming to a close without the body-positive breakthrough you had hoped for, its not too late to grab Luminous, my 30-day guided journal for body acceptance. But whatever you do, don’t miss the chance to get out from behind the camera and get your butt in some photos. One day you’re going to want to see all the fun you were having in that cute “young” bod!
I’m wishing you all an August full of perfect weather and delicious sunsets.
Until next month,
Shannon
Thank you for the wonderful reminder that courage can come from anxiety.