āWhen the world demands your conformity or uniformity or agreeability, I hope you think of this post and do what you must to hold onto yourselfā
Thank you for a thoughtful and thought-provoking post, a reassuring entry into this out-of-control carnival ride that is the new year.
Is it seemly to wonder about balance when considering rule breaking, or even simply āholding onto oneselfā?
Iām thinking of how that plays out in day jobs, where bureaucratic mediocrity is stifling, but must be endured for the sake of the day jobās weekly paycheck?
Or how that plays out in, say, a supermarket with its own understaffed bureaucratic mediocrity, where shouting out in frustration at the discovery of some new lack is frowned upon?
How are we to think about rule-breaking when so much of that is on display in the political arena and contributing to long term harm of this countryās people and institutions? Rule breaking, by definition, was always transgressive, but now has a bad reputation.
It will take some thoughtful thinking and careful planning to find rule breaking that is composed of attending and respecting and even loving.
I hadnāt been thinking about rule-breaking chickens in Iowa until now; thank you.
Thank you for this thoughtful comment! I was hoping someone would raise the question of nuance or balance here. I particularly like how you phrased this: "It will take some thoughtful thinking and careful planning to find rule breaking that is composed of attending and respecting and even loving."
I am a rule follower - and not just a rule follower, but a rule WINNER, as I told my husband the other night. Give me guidelines and I will get an A+ in them. I will follow the shit out of them *unless* I decide the rule is unjust, and I don't need any outside confirmation or validation of this fact. In that case, the rule doesn't apply anymore and I am duty bound to not only break it, but change it and make sure everyone else knows how stupid it is (classic enneagram 1, and also some big oldest sister energy in that philosophy).
There are a lot of rules to be broken out there. Here's to John Lewis and "Good Trouble" in all spheres of life.
I think of myself as a rules follower. My wife will tell you that I make up the rules as I go. I guess I will break a rule here and there but only ones that I think make little sense and only if I think it will have no ill effect on others.
I respect a person who makes up the rules as they go and then sticks relentlessly to them. I imagine being married to such a person could present unique challenges though, haha.
My intention for the year is to listen to my heart and speak my truth... My guess is this will eventually require some rule breaking... Which is usually uncomfortable for me, but I think could also be liberating.
I think a lot of us women are in that boat right now, at this time in history. It feels like there is a collective calling to speak our truth and break the "rules" - or at least the status quo.
I recently realized, with the help of my ADHD coach, that I'm actually an Enneagram 1 (rather than the 9 and 6 I had previously typed myself). š¤Æ This has been a VERY eye-opening discovery, especially with rule following. My current phrase of contemplation is 'seek curiosity, not perfection' and it's been very interesting to hold in tandem with my rule-following bent.
Seek curiosity, not perfection. Amen to this. One of the most helpful frameworks I've been given in the past five years is leaning into curiosity. I am so prone to reacting. Cultivating curiosity has helped me become healthier, less angry and judgmental. And hopefully more loving, too.
I'm super prone to reacting, too. It's been eye-opening to try and pay better attention to my body and emotions when I jump to reaction mode! Like when I wanted to bite off my kid's head for changing my character's outfit in Animal Crossing...š¤¦š¤Ŗ
I love what you said about becoming a rule breaker as you became a woman. I feel this to be true for myself too!! Rule following child with a rich inner life and imagination - I often dreamed of being a rule breaker. Wasnāt until my teens and adulthood that I found the courage to break the rules. There seemed like an urgency to do so, to survive! Now to work on breaking the rules I have set for myself... š¤
I love how you said the urgency to do so. I think this is one of the gifts of adolescence... the sense of urgency. Obviously not always directed well, but so passionate and life-filled that you can't be mad at it!
Breaking the rule of agreeableness -- I am an enneagram 9/youngest child/peacemaker from the south. Iāve been addicted to smiling my whole life and Iām trying to kick it š¤Ŗ
Our HOA technically says we canāt have chickens too and we have debated about being rule breakers and youāve just convinced me we definitely should.
I always laugh that it was fun growing up a lawyers daughter. I always tried to follow the rules, but I was a keen observer about interpretation of rules. If there was a loophole to find I would find it! Sometimes the parentals would later disagree with interpretation and I would be punished anyway, but I always felt I was in the right. āWell, what you SAID was...ā. Itās served me well in my adult life I think. After having my daughter and working from home, I knew my right to āexpress breastmilkā whenever needed as a break from work was protected under the law. It does not specify whether a pump had to be used for said expressing. So I always just let my much more efficient baby take care of that for us!
I adore this. One of my kids is the most argumentative little son of a gun I've ever met. (My husband says he gets the stubbornness from me but whatevs.) I've learned to accept it as a gift, and to help him craft the most compelling points instead of always fighting against it.
āI did go check on the chickens... where no one noticed Iād ducked out...ā
LOL! In other words, no one could cry fowl, even though they should?
OMG lol
āWhen the world demands your conformity or uniformity or agreeability, I hope you think of this post and do what you must to hold onto yourselfā
Thank you for a thoughtful and thought-provoking post, a reassuring entry into this out-of-control carnival ride that is the new year.
Is it seemly to wonder about balance when considering rule breaking, or even simply āholding onto oneselfā?
Iām thinking of how that plays out in day jobs, where bureaucratic mediocrity is stifling, but must be endured for the sake of the day jobās weekly paycheck?
Or how that plays out in, say, a supermarket with its own understaffed bureaucratic mediocrity, where shouting out in frustration at the discovery of some new lack is frowned upon?
How are we to think about rule-breaking when so much of that is on display in the political arena and contributing to long term harm of this countryās people and institutions? Rule breaking, by definition, was always transgressive, but now has a bad reputation.
It will take some thoughtful thinking and careful planning to find rule breaking that is composed of attending and respecting and even loving.
I hadnāt been thinking about rule-breaking chickens in Iowa until now; thank you.
Thank you for this thoughtful comment! I was hoping someone would raise the question of nuance or balance here. I particularly like how you phrased this: "It will take some thoughtful thinking and careful planning to find rule breaking that is composed of attending and respecting and even loving."
I'm toying with 'wild' as a word to carry with me into 2024, which very much resonates with your encouragement here.
That word packs a punch. I think it's a great choice.
I am a rule follower - and not just a rule follower, but a rule WINNER, as I told my husband the other night. Give me guidelines and I will get an A+ in them. I will follow the shit out of them *unless* I decide the rule is unjust, and I don't need any outside confirmation or validation of this fact. In that case, the rule doesn't apply anymore and I am duty bound to not only break it, but change it and make sure everyone else knows how stupid it is (classic enneagram 1, and also some big oldest sister energy in that philosophy).
There are a lot of rules to be broken out there. Here's to John Lewis and "Good Trouble" in all spheres of life.
This is one of the most endearing self-descriptions I've ever read! Thanks for sharing here.
Your chicken has shiny white fulsome feathers. Who wouldnāt love her! Nice piece!
Happy 2024! Hopefully no interference from ātime outs,ā wooden spoons, fly swatters, etc! šš„°
2023 I started breaking eldest daughter/granddaughter rules and Iām taking that into 2024
Cheering you on, A!
My word for the year is fearless so rule breaking is definitely in. Idk which rules yet! But they will be broken
Fearless is a fantastic word for the year.
I think of myself as a rules follower. My wife will tell you that I make up the rules as I go. I guess I will break a rule here and there but only ones that I think make little sense and only if I think it will have no ill effect on others.
I respect a person who makes up the rules as they go and then sticks relentlessly to them. I imagine being married to such a person could present unique challenges though, haha.
My intention for the year is to listen to my heart and speak my truth... My guess is this will eventually require some rule breaking... Which is usually uncomfortable for me, but I think could also be liberating.
I think a lot of us women are in that boat right now, at this time in history. It feels like there is a collective calling to speak our truth and break the "rules" - or at least the status quo.
I recently realized, with the help of my ADHD coach, that I'm actually an Enneagram 1 (rather than the 9 and 6 I had previously typed myself). š¤Æ This has been a VERY eye-opening discovery, especially with rule following. My current phrase of contemplation is 'seek curiosity, not perfection' and it's been very interesting to hold in tandem with my rule-following bent.
Seek curiosity, not perfection. Amen to this. One of the most helpful frameworks I've been given in the past five years is leaning into curiosity. I am so prone to reacting. Cultivating curiosity has helped me become healthier, less angry and judgmental. And hopefully more loving, too.
I'm super prone to reacting, too. It's been eye-opening to try and pay better attention to my body and emotions when I jump to reaction mode! Like when I wanted to bite off my kid's head for changing my character's outfit in Animal Crossing...š¤¦š¤Ŗ
hahaha not that its happened to you of course
Can I just say, this short, poppy writing is what we all need right now.
I cannot seem to read or write anything else! YES.
I love what you said about becoming a rule breaker as you became a woman. I feel this to be true for myself too!! Rule following child with a rich inner life and imagination - I often dreamed of being a rule breaker. Wasnāt until my teens and adulthood that I found the courage to break the rules. There seemed like an urgency to do so, to survive! Now to work on breaking the rules I have set for myself... š¤
I love how you said the urgency to do so. I think this is one of the gifts of adolescence... the sense of urgency. Obviously not always directed well, but so passionate and life-filled that you can't be mad at it!
Breaking the rule of agreeableness -- I am an enneagram 9/youngest child/peacemaker from the south. Iāve been addicted to smiling my whole life and Iām trying to kick it š¤Ŗ
Enneagram 9 from the south here too! Solidarity, baybay.
Our HOA technically says we canāt have chickens too and we have debated about being rule breakers and youāve just convinced me we definitely should.
You can tell them to blame me! hehe
I always laugh that it was fun growing up a lawyers daughter. I always tried to follow the rules, but I was a keen observer about interpretation of rules. If there was a loophole to find I would find it! Sometimes the parentals would later disagree with interpretation and I would be punished anyway, but I always felt I was in the right. āWell, what you SAID was...ā. Itās served me well in my adult life I think. After having my daughter and working from home, I knew my right to āexpress breastmilkā whenever needed as a break from work was protected under the law. It does not specify whether a pump had to be used for said expressing. So I always just let my much more efficient baby take care of that for us!
I adore this. One of my kids is the most argumentative little son of a gun I've ever met. (My husband says he gets the stubbornness from me but whatevs.) I've learned to accept it as a gift, and to help him craft the most compelling points instead of always fighting against it.