Thank you Shannon. It takes courage, deep love, and an understanding that we need not fear the “other”, that the “other” is also us, is our family, is to be celebrated for their uniqueness, to stand firmly in support of our common humanity. The liberation of all people is tied to the liberation of trans folks and the liberation of other oppressed and marginalized folks.
To fall in line and clap and nod takes no courage. It diminishes us. To clap and nod at the oppressor, to me, indicates a deep self loathing, self esteem that is mist thin, and a near complete absence of sense of self. When these are the conditions, reaching for something, anything to hold onto, is a natural result.
I believe that is why we are seeing this play out. The lack of self trust clouds the vision. Cultivating self trust is critical work. Only when we trust ourselves will we willingly step outside of the status quo. We as a culture have allowed ourselves to be lured away from self trust and towards looking outside ourselves for truth. The truth when we look within is that we are always held, that we are connected to everything, Fear is dangerous. It is the gaping maw of the un-self.
In my own work on myself, the self-trust piece has proven to be the missing link. And once I saw it in myself, I began to see it in women everywhere. I really do believe that this work is the greatest calling for women today, the one that will unlock the rest. Thanks for your thoughtful input!
I love this framing (and wholeheartedly agree with your message). I'm wondering though if you could elaborate more on what these women are afraid of? And also wondering if we should broaden the topic beyond "women's fear" to "parents fear" in the interest of dismantling gender binaries? I think transphobia extends far beyond just the mothers in the world...however I'm not sure if you feel this particular fear is gender-based?)
I'm glad you raised these points, because they were all in my mind as I wrote! First, I knew I was making the decision to publish an incomplete essay. The complete version would have delved into your question of what such women are afraid of - but I knew that to do that well would require hours and hours that I just don't have available to devote to it. In this country the history of women's allegiance to male power as a means of self-protection (and at the expense of their own inner knowing) is extensive. But the TL;DR of the fear, I'd say, is ultimately rooted in survival. Epigenetics is fascinating, the way we carry the fears and dangers of our foremothers.
Regarding the choice to use "women/mothers" instead of "parents," that too was conscious. Transphobia is of course not limited to mothers, but I wanted to focus on that particular demographic for the scope of this piece. It was not intended to be exhaustive by any means!
That makes sense, thanks for sharing! And totally understand not having capacity to write a bigger essay about this, but it's such a great framing. I was reading and thinking "yes, more!" haha
No child is someone else’s problem. If your child’s life is on the judgment stand, so is my child’s. None of us knows when we’ll need each other to stand up for our kid. I’m glad I live in a world with women like you.
Thanks for this! "But fear is a loathsome thing, and some women assuage theirs by aligning with the strongest power." - a helpful perspective; if I can keep in mind the FEAR at the heart of all this, I can maybe (hopefully) calm down some of my rage and have a little more sympathy for people making very different choices than the ones I'm making. What reads as "hate" to me is more likely a deep-down fear. Asking people not to hate is generally not very successful, but trying to assuage fears may be more productive.
I tend to be a more inclusive person, while my husband tends not to be. So you can imagine our discussions.
He is currently apathetic/complacent about all that's going on politically, but when it comes to transgender women athletes, he is Passionate with a capital "P". I find it curious, because he doesn't seem to have that same passion for all the ways women are harmed in our patriarchal systems and society. There's something about the athletic/ competition piece that ignites him. He is an athlete.
He says it's about 'protecting women' and yet, I don't see that same conviction and energy in other harms to women. He either doesn't see it or believe that it's there. It is frustrating, to say the least.
I appreciate your writing today.
I hadn't thought about this before: "Policies that impact trans women’s participation in elite sport are the continuation of a long history of exclusion of women from competitive sport – an exclusion that resulted in the introduction of a ‘women’s’ category of sport in the first place."
Makes so much sense. I will keep speaking out to my husband. And I stand in my KNOWING of TRUTH for myself and those who are oppressed.
"And human mothers? Human mothers will parade their daughters beside a self-described sexual predator before they will defend the child of another who’s been chosen as the sacrificial lamb. Because this is not about conviction, it never has been. This is about women’s fear, and the price we are willing to pay to feel safe from it."
This feels like a heavy load you’re carrying. I’m impressed by your steadiness. If he feels receptive to education, you might consider sharing the research report I linked to. Either way, sending you hugs and strength!
It sounds cutesy to say, “All children are OUR children,” but I genuinely believe it so deeply. How we take care of children speaks to what we truly value.
Thank you for saying this <3. Hate to see all those happy-looking girls around Trump, ugh, as if he's actually helping them or cares about them... Makes me think of his earlier comments about protecting women whether we like it or not. So wrong, so enraging.
Amen.
Thank you Shannon. It takes courage, deep love, and an understanding that we need not fear the “other”, that the “other” is also us, is our family, is to be celebrated for their uniqueness, to stand firmly in support of our common humanity. The liberation of all people is tied to the liberation of trans folks and the liberation of other oppressed and marginalized folks.
To fall in line and clap and nod takes no courage. It diminishes us. To clap and nod at the oppressor, to me, indicates a deep self loathing, self esteem that is mist thin, and a near complete absence of sense of self. When these are the conditions, reaching for something, anything to hold onto, is a natural result.
I believe that is why we are seeing this play out. The lack of self trust clouds the vision. Cultivating self trust is critical work. Only when we trust ourselves will we willingly step outside of the status quo. We as a culture have allowed ourselves to be lured away from self trust and towards looking outside ourselves for truth. The truth when we look within is that we are always held, that we are connected to everything, Fear is dangerous. It is the gaping maw of the un-self.
In my own work on myself, the self-trust piece has proven to be the missing link. And once I saw it in myself, I began to see it in women everywhere. I really do believe that this work is the greatest calling for women today, the one that will unlock the rest. Thanks for your thoughtful input!
Amen. Thank you.
I love this framing (and wholeheartedly agree with your message). I'm wondering though if you could elaborate more on what these women are afraid of? And also wondering if we should broaden the topic beyond "women's fear" to "parents fear" in the interest of dismantling gender binaries? I think transphobia extends far beyond just the mothers in the world...however I'm not sure if you feel this particular fear is gender-based?)
I'm glad you raised these points, because they were all in my mind as I wrote! First, I knew I was making the decision to publish an incomplete essay. The complete version would have delved into your question of what such women are afraid of - but I knew that to do that well would require hours and hours that I just don't have available to devote to it. In this country the history of women's allegiance to male power as a means of self-protection (and at the expense of their own inner knowing) is extensive. But the TL;DR of the fear, I'd say, is ultimately rooted in survival. Epigenetics is fascinating, the way we carry the fears and dangers of our foremothers.
Regarding the choice to use "women/mothers" instead of "parents," that too was conscious. Transphobia is of course not limited to mothers, but I wanted to focus on that particular demographic for the scope of this piece. It was not intended to be exhaustive by any means!
That makes sense, thanks for sharing! And totally understand not having capacity to write a bigger essay about this, but it's such a great framing. I was reading and thinking "yes, more!" haha
Ha yes, me too! 😅
Amen.
No child is someone else’s problem. If your child’s life is on the judgment stand, so is my child’s. None of us knows when we’ll need each other to stand up for our kid. I’m glad I live in a world with women like you.
I would be an elephant with you. Full stop.
And me for you. Circle up, mommas.
Thanks for this! "But fear is a loathsome thing, and some women assuage theirs by aligning with the strongest power." - a helpful perspective; if I can keep in mind the FEAR at the heart of all this, I can maybe (hopefully) calm down some of my rage and have a little more sympathy for people making very different choices than the ones I'm making. What reads as "hate" to me is more likely a deep-down fear. Asking people not to hate is generally not very successful, but trying to assuage fears may be more productive.
Tenderly. Always. Everywhere.
Thanks Shannon.
I tend to be a more inclusive person, while my husband tends not to be. So you can imagine our discussions.
He is currently apathetic/complacent about all that's going on politically, but when it comes to transgender women athletes, he is Passionate with a capital "P". I find it curious, because he doesn't seem to have that same passion for all the ways women are harmed in our patriarchal systems and society. There's something about the athletic/ competition piece that ignites him. He is an athlete.
He says it's about 'protecting women' and yet, I don't see that same conviction and energy in other harms to women. He either doesn't see it or believe that it's there. It is frustrating, to say the least.
I appreciate your writing today.
I hadn't thought about this before: "Policies that impact trans women’s participation in elite sport are the continuation of a long history of exclusion of women from competitive sport – an exclusion that resulted in the introduction of a ‘women’s’ category of sport in the first place."
Makes so much sense. I will keep speaking out to my husband. And I stand in my KNOWING of TRUTH for myself and those who are oppressed.
And this!!!!
"And human mothers? Human mothers will parade their daughters beside a self-described sexual predator before they will defend the child of another who’s been chosen as the sacrificial lamb. Because this is not about conviction, it never has been. This is about women’s fear, and the price we are willing to pay to feel safe from it."
This feels like a heavy load you’re carrying. I’m impressed by your steadiness. If he feels receptive to education, you might consider sharing the research report I linked to. Either way, sending you hugs and strength!
It sounds cutesy to say, “All children are OUR children,” but I genuinely believe it so deeply. How we take care of children speaks to what we truly value.
Just adding my amen.
Thank you for saying this <3. Hate to see all those happy-looking girls around Trump, ugh, as if he's actually helping them or cares about them... Makes me think of his earlier comments about protecting women whether we like it or not. So wrong, so enraging.
I too felt a pang of grief at their happy faces, knowing the curated story they’ve been fed to lead to that place.
Grief is a good word. It's hanging out behind/alongside my rage, for sure. Thank you for naming that.